I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
