there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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