she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
