wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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