So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
