I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We just shotgunned beers for America
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
