thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
