It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize