She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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