But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
