I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
