I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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