I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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