I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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