what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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