He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
