the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
