i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
