i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
