the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
