just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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