she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
