I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
