the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
