What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
