I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
sarcasm needs its own font
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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