The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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