You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
