dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
