Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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