just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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