My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Randomize
