girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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