Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
