Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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