We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
