Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize