Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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