This is not my ceiling
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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