I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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