Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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