"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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