They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
