I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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