Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
