I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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