at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
