I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize