His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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