Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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