I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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