My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
