You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
