quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Randomize
