Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
