P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
