im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
