I want to walk on stilts...naked
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
