problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
