I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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