I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
