I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
