i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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