2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
