I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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