well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
