I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
