I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Come on in and take your pants off
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