We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
