A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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