I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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