Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
